When I was a kid, I never thought much about what my life would be like when I got older. I was just too busy being miserable, being happy, playing sports, doing schoolwork, crushing on this or that girl, jumping on the trampoline in our backyard beneath the old oak tree, mowing the lawn, playing tennis, getting my license, etc etc. I don’t know exactly what I did with my time when I was younger but I didn’t waste it worrying about the future, I’m pretty sure about that.

So what really happens after you turn 40 years old? Well, obviously anybody past the age of 40 knows the answer to that question but everybody’s different am I right? I guess what I mean by that is: life after 40 for you won’t be the same as life after 40 for me. Maybe that’s obvious too but I think it deserves to be pointed out.

In some ways, the media would have you believe that, for all intents and purposes, you’re pretty much dead after you turn 40. There are so few representations of anybody outside of their teens, 20’s, and 30’s in mainstream media. It’s almost like the whole world forgets you exist once you no longer fall into one of those age brackets. You’re dead exactly, just nobody really pays much attention to you anymore. Maybe they never did in the first place even when you were younger but it’s like passing 40, they’re less concerned with you than ever. Does this sound depressing? I don’t mean it to. I’m just trying to draw attention to the idea that, past a certain age, well, it’s kind of up to you to decide what’s true and what isn’t. And by that, I just mean, there are fewer signposts and role models and images telling you who you ought to be, what you ought to look like, how you ought to behave, so on and so forth. The makers of those things tend to focus on a younger crowd.

So… is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it liberating? Confusing? Sad? Do you have to unlearn all the crap they crammed down your throat when you were younger about what’s important in life?

Many people say that as middle age wears on, happiness increases. At least, a great deal of research supports that assertion as far as I know. And I think it’s very much because the media doesn’t make such a fuss about people past 40.

I turned 40 a little over a year ago and I feel like I’m still waiting for that whole “happiness” thing to happen. Maybe I’m just being impatient and I need to give it another year or so.

There’s a quote from a movie called “Waking Life” (one of my absolute favorites) in which a character utters the cryptic soundbyte: “…the systematic questioning of the idea of happiness.” Basically, he’s talking about feeling disillusioned with the world and how he and his compatriots ought to slough off the ideas and ambitions foisted upon them by their elders in an effort to… i dunno, be more authentic. A defining characteristic of this character and the group he finds himself in, however, is his (their) age. They’re clearly headstrong, idealistic young men. Kinda doesn’t sound like something an older man might say but who knows? After losing a bunch of worldly things like a house, a job, a wife, maybe someone older might redefine (or at least try to) what happiness is all about.

I’ll certainly say the pace has slowed significantly. It’s not quite as go, go, go anymore. Maybe it will be again one day but right now, it’s definitely not like that. I often feel listless and unsure about the choices I’ve made that have led me to where I am now. Like, what would life be like if I had done X instead of Y? But it’s sort of pointless to think about those things. Wasted mental energy or something.

Anyway, I’ve got some things coming up this year I’m really looking forward to and it’s never over till it’s over as they say. Who knows what life as an old geezer has in store for me… 😉