Waking up this morning was a pleasant experience. I had a profound experience of serenity and calm. Lying in bed, I felt warm, cozy, and relaxed. I attribute the sense of relaxation to having played football with some old friends the other day and my muscles, having been worked, used, and pushed a bit, were pleasantly sore. Eventually, I tumbled out of bed, ate some breakfast, took a call from my office in New York about a new survey I’ve only recently begun to work on, and then proceeded to leave the house and drive to a local bookstore in my neighborhood to buy my mother a Christmas present, she having requested a nonfiction book of any kind which met my approval. The bookstore, having missed the economic tidal wave which shuttered the doors of so many print bookstores all across the country was a quaint little place, seemingly trapped somewhere in the 20th century. I looked around for a while before I settled on a science book about an experiment to commit several sane people to mental institutions in different parts of the country (which looked UTTERLY FASCINATING) and also an architecture book for my Pop. Satisfied with my purchase, and the fact I somehow caught an error made by the cashier which would have overcharged me a few bucks, I headed out along Route 95 towards Stop & Shop, in search of groceries. The highway was packed as it always is (I despise this particular stretch of highway, it seems dangerous and unwieldy to me) and I noticed one car pull over with smoke coming from its engine. Eventually I reached my exit and was about to turn into the Stop & Shop parking lot when a lady in an SUV pulled out right in front of me, stopped and started a few times, aggressively pulled out further into traffic, shouted something at me I didn’t catch, and then roared off. I pulled into the parking lot, feeling miffed and rolled down my window to smoke a cigarette and try not to let this woman’s road rage and general hostility rub off on me. As I was sitting in a parking space, a bee flew into my car. I am allergic to bees, last time I checked. It flew around for about a minute or two before buzzing menacingly close to my face and then finally flying out the window. I decided against going to Stop & Shop getting some bad vibes about continuing any further with this decision and headed to whole foods. Whole foods certainly seemed like the better choice: it wasn’t as chaotic and I got a few things I needed. The cashier was accommodating as well when I told her I was looking for an additional item. She also recommended a yoga pose for me when I told her I had trouble getting food down. I took my groceries and books and headed back home.

Then, just now, a therapy group I’ve been going to and had bad experiences with called me and informed me I’d missed an appointment and there was going to be a no-show fee of $50 and that I’d be unable to attend any more appointments until I’d paid. I suppose this is just protocol but I don’t think I’ll be going back to this place. The insurance people are a pain in the ass to work with and the staff: psychiatrists and therapists alike seem somewhat out of touch. It’s a shame. I did want to get back into therapy but it just doesn’t seem like it’s worth the hassle: the dealings with bureaucracy and people who are just unfamiliar with my medical history and have to collect it all from scratch.

How could a day which began so peacefully and happily go so far afield so quickly? I am utterly mystified by life’s vagaries and vicissitudes. It just makes me want to stay in bed for the rest of my life…

A Postscript to this post: this was written yesterday even though it reads in the here in now. Just FYI.